


Happy Anniversary

by Imbrication



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Overdose, Suicide, like seriously TRIGGER WARNING, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 12:03:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imbrication/pseuds/Imbrication
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song Happy Anniversary by Motion City Soundtrack.</p><p>"Promise me that when I come home, your going to be okay."<br/>"I promise".<br/>I crossed my fingers behind my back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> If I haven't said it enough yet,  
> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> Please be careful reading this.  
> (Mentions of blood, overdose, suicide, hospitalization)  
> This has not been Beta'd yet.

"Eren."

His voice was curt, and he sounded grainy over the speakers of the old phone that I now hold in my hand with such a force that it could break at any given moment. I try to keep my breathing under control, I am not going to make Levi come home from work early again. I'm not worth it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come home? Erwin can take over for me."

A little voice in the back of my head screamed yes. Let him come home and comfort the bleeding soul he had left behind just a couple hours ago. Let yourself sleep in his arms and survive another day. But something even stronger took over, some kind of a dark cloud blurring my better thoughts. A fog made of dust and self-hatred, that made me want to cough up my lungs.

_I can feel it in my bones tonight_

"No, It's okay."

_Drain me slowly of the will to fight_

"How are you feeling?"

Angry. Tired. Frustrated. Dead. "Fine."

_Glowing yellow in the bedroom light_

"Your lying.."

"You already had to make up excuses to save your ass last time you came home for me. Keep your job and come home for me when your done."

Silence. Because he knows that I'm right.

"Promise me that when I come home, your going to be okay."

"I promise".

I crossed my fingers behind my back.

_I can feel it in my bones tonight_

I put the office phone down, and it takes me a minute or two to convince myself that I shouldn't walk out the door, drive away, and tend to my boyfriend at home.

Breathing deeply, I type words mindlessly into search engines and documents.

He's okay. He's okay.

_There is a terror in your eyes tonight_

When I left this evening, there was something wrong. He was a glass statue, the Eren I knew was hiding somewhere so deep down that even his vibrant green eyes were a lost, blurry gray.

_Something awful has you wrapped in white_

Ever since his mother and father died he has been such a wreck. I love him. But he looks at himself with such a hatred that makes me want to throw up. I'd better finish these bullshit papers and get my ass home as soon as possible, to keep himself from...

I push the thoughts of his suicide to the furthest corner of my mind and type in another clients address.

He's okay. He's okay.

_Take me in your arms and hold me tight_

 I'm breaking down without him. I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. A wretched monster stares back, with toxic gray eyes instead of green. Why am I such a failure? Why didn't I protect them? I stare at the lines on my hands for the longest time, until I snap and suddenly punch the mirror.

_Cause I won't be here for long, my dear_

Large pieces of shattered glass cut my face and hand. What have I done? Levi is going to fucking kill me, and the monster still isnt gone. I solved nothing. Now the blood pouring from my right hand is just tempting me to draw more. Fuck, fuck fuck, fuc-

_Settle our accounts_

_Happy anniversary_

Looking for gauze I can wrap around my hand to stop the bleeding, I find some old medication. Bottles and bottles of tylenol and some asprin, but after digging I also find a bottle of Xanax and a couple tablets of Oxycotin. I forget about my bloody fist while I count pills that I scattered on the floor.

_Show me how to calm your fears_

I reach for the phone and call Eren again. No answer. I repeat a simple phrase in my head, a mantra, until I believe it. He's just asleep.

_I'll do what I can_

_Happy anniversary_

Erwin walks into my office. He can see I'm distressed, and he doesn't question why. He already knows.

"Go home, Levi."

"I need to finish this or else Hanji will have my ass on a platter"

"I'll take over, and tell her you stayed late to finish. Go check on him."

He doesn't need to tell me twice.

_I can feel it in my bones tonight_

Fifty pills. Fifty.

_Swallowing whatever's in its sight_

I pick up a handfuls and put the tablets into the giant pocket on my hoodie. There's blood on most of them now, but my judgement is so clouded by now that I don't even care. I need water now, because I can't swallow them dry.

_Struggling to breathe with all my might_

I try to talk myself out of it, muttering as I walk down the stairs, but I can't seem to regain conciousness, control, anything. I'm a dead vessel and it's time for me to finally leave.

_Cause I won't be here to dry your tears_

Why is there so much fucking traffic?! Its 1 AM for fucks sake!

I call Eren again. It goes straight to voicemail. I consider driving on the side walk but instead I pull over sharply into a nearby parking lot, and take my chances running home.

_Send the kids my love_

I think of my friends as I take each pill, silently writing them a goodbye letter in my head.

Armin. Swallow

Mikasa. Swallow

Marco. Swallow

Annie. Swallow

Jean. Swallow

By now I begin to just shovel pills into my mouth and flush them down with another gulp of water.

_Happy anniversary_

I begin to feel something growing in my stomach. I'm not sure what it is.

_Promise me you'll laugh, my dear, after I am gone_

Its pain. A lot of pain. I sit down on the cold kitchen floor and hit my head against the island. The thought of Levi having to find me dead with tears on my face makes my pain worsen.

_Happy anniversary_

_Happy anniversary_

_Cause I won't be waking up, my dear_

My stamina is running out. Adrenaline only lasts for so long.

Ten more blocks.

_Time has run its course_

I cant feel my hand, but I can still see blood dripping from the numerous cuts all over my knuckles and wrist.

Happy anniversary

Five more blocks. My legs are giving out. He's okay. He's okay

_. Now I'll say goodbye, my dear_

I lay on the floor in a coughing fit now. I spit out blood, and more blood, and more blood, and-

_This will be our last_

When did the fucking driveway get so fucking long?!

_Happy anniversary_

The front door is bursting open

_I can feel it in my bones tonight_

"Eren!" I call at the top of my lungs. Something isn't right. I sprint upstairs, where the light is on in the bathroom.

"Eren?" Eren is no where to be found, but there's a shattered mirror, blood stains, and the contents of the medicine cabinet have been strewn all over the room. Immediatly, something clicks. The fucking Xanax and Oxycotin.

I nearly fall down the stairs.

I hear faint coughing.

I've never ran to the kitchen so fast in my life. The second I step around the island, my heart jumps to my throat. I sink to the floor, tears flowing freely from my eyes and dripping onto the body in front of me.

When did I start screaming?

"Eren! EREN!"

I see the deep gashes on his hand, and when I pick him up, a couple of pills fall out of his hoodie pocket. I'm immediatly ripping off my jacket and wrapping it around his wounds trying to stop the bleeding. The neighbours must've heard my yelling and wailing because the cops are hauling me away from his body in what seems like seconds later. They pull him on a stretcher and wheel him out into the waiting ambulance. I run after him, and they allow me to ride in the back of the important vehicle. The nurses say medical terms that I'm not familiar with, until I hear them say something that overfills my broken heart with hope.

"He has a pulse!"

\--

I can't open my eyes, but I can breathe. There's a soft beeping coming from somewhere, and I'm not sure where. I feel drowsy, sick, and scared. Where am I?

\--

Its been two days. I haven't left the hospital since we've gotten here. Luckily, they have showers here, and a T-shirt can be worn more than once in a row. I hold his hand and look at his angelic sleeping face. The colour has returned to his skin, and seeing his chest rise and fall in short little breaths has never been so relieving.

\--

I force my eyes open, millimetre by millimetre until I can finally see everything around me. The bright LED light blinds me, but once I adjust I know exactly where I am. What did I do? But more importantly, where's Levi? I lay and wait patiently as the events from last night come back to me, and I feel like crawling into a hole and dying. Levi must've came home and seen me. But where is he now?

\--

"How is he?" Erwin asks, sipping his shitty hospital coffee.

"He hasn't woken up yet". I, on the other hand, just hold mine between the palms of my hands. It sends waves of warmth throughout my body, something I haven't felt since I saw Eren laying on the floor, nearly dead. Its been so cold without him.

"He'll be okay, Levi. You got to him in time".

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"If you hadn't had taken over my shift, this would've turned out very differently"

With that, Erwin turns around and throws away the small styrofoam cup.

"Lets go see him."

Once again, Erwin doesn't have to tell me twice.

\--

We turn down many hallways, past sick children and sleeping elders attached to IV needles, until we reach Eren's room. I pull back the curtain, and nearly drop the coffee as I look at the boy in front of me. Awake.

Alive.

\--

"Levi!" I nearly jump out of the bed. If it wasn't for this oxygen mask connected to heavy tanks behind me I'd probably be in his arms already. Tears spring from his eyes as he runs towards me into the type of hug a boa constrictor would give. 

\--

I can feel his heartbeat, and it must be beating as fast as mine right now.

\--

Eren looks up at me from across the room, still in Levi's embrace. Almost instantly, I notice that his eyes are once again large and green, the way they were when I had first introduced him to Levi. He breaks a small smile, and faintly mouths the words

_Thank you, Erwin._

I take that as a word of parting, and I smile back whole-heartedly. I silently leave the small hospital room to give the soul mates their much needed space and time. 

_Happy Anniversary..._


End file.
